lexualhealing420 asked: My boyfriend of two years and I recently broke up. Although I am a college student and have much living to do, I have never felt so heartbroken. I love him deeply and have developed habits of putting him before myself. The pressure of school and the uncertainties we face at this age has made it difficult to have a fulfilling relationship. We love each other but have different ideas of commitment. How do I stop myself from thinking about what I could have done differently? Peace and love.
Behind the uncertainty, confusion, and wish to change things, there is a genuine emotion waiting: sadness.
Sadness is a wise friend who we tend not to welcome. Sadness and pain often come together.
But why is sadness wise? Because it is the natural response of an open heart when it meets with impermanence.
College days are pretty formative times. Don’t make a habit of avoiding sadness like everyone else. Listen to its wisdom.
Who puts whom before what and ideas of commitment can come later. Listen to this sadness and feel this pain. Recognize the uncertainty of simply being alive. Without love we will not live sanely, not only personally but also as a species.
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~ The Dalai Lama
However, love is much more than the definitions we append to it. The place in which we feel love is the same place from which we radiate love. It is a natural element to our being, forgotten by the clinging and the fear and the confusion.
There is nothing wrong with you. Inwardly, we are nothing other than eternity, living joyous emptiness. But if we don’t know this for ourselves, then we try to know ourselves through outward appearances. And outwardly, we are continual works in progress. Things coming together and falling apart. It never ends.
Now is not the time to look back. It is the time to look within and listen. Be patient.
It is good to trust that love may come your way another day, but it is better to get at love right now within your very existence. This means having something to share in a relationship as opposed to need. That gives you strength. It also means never knowing a day without love for the rest of your life.
I would suggest starting with the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron and daily meditation.
Namaste sis :) Much love.